Some notes on this week’s arbitrary league alignment:

• Houston has been gifted a glorious opportunity in Week 3 to establish itself as a relevant power in the AFC.  We know that New England is down to the Pizza Hut Delivery Guy on its QB depth chart, but the general perception is that Houston is still comparatively weaker overall.  It’s Houston’s offense that’s capable of outrunning New England’s defense — this is Glock Osweiler’s moment to either legitimize his placement in the league’s quarterback hierarchy or be glossed over as another 9-7 Houston plug-in.
• If the Ryan Brothers make it past Week 4, I will have a lap band surgically implanted into my lower intestine just to have it immediately removed in their honor.  Lesson One for prospective NFL head coaches: Do not hire a relative for your coaching staff.  Lesson Two: Do not allow your players to meet with ownership in your absence.  Rex is steamrolling toward a scenario in which he has to choose to either fire his brother or go down with the ship himself — so far, he’s been willing to unfairly sacrifice his offensive coordinator.  We’ll see if he’s as willing to stand in solidarity with his brother in the unemployment line as he is in the buffet line.
• The NFC South plays defense roughly as well as I recite poetry in Urdu while juggling a booming farm’s worth of twelve pound pork butts.
• A lot of us not-so-bravely predicted that the Colts would be bad at football this year, and only a despicable few of us are pleased to watch unfold what we foretold as inevitable.  Andrew Luck is too smart to show us the fear that must lie underneath, but he’s dangerously close to entering the “Oh My God I’ve Entrusted My Once In a Generation Talent With A Bunch Of Incompetents” stage of his career, and it’s becoming objectively sad to watch.
• The Browns are the Zodiac.

Here’s how we regard the teams before Week 3:

RANK	TEAM	W-L	PD	DVOA	OFF DVOA	DEF DVOA
1	Pittsburgh Steelers	2-0	+30	4	7	14
2	New England Patriots	2-0	+9	23	12	29
3	Arizona Cardinals	1-1	+31	2	8	4
4	Denver Broncos	2-0	+15	9	15	11
5	Carolina Panthers	1-1	+18	3	11	7
6	Houston Texans	2-0	+16	25	30	6
7	Minnesota Vikings	2-0	+12	12	26	3
8	Green Bay Packers	1-1	+1	15	25	10
9	New York Giants	2-0	+4	20	16	17
10	Cincinnati Bengals	1-1	-7	13	14	13
11	Kansas City Chiefs	1-1	-1	11	21	15
12	Seattle Seahawks	1-1	-4	8	27	1
13	Baltimore Ravens	2-0	+11	5	20	8
14	New York Jets	1-1	+5	17	5	26
15	Philadelphia Eagles	2-0	+34	1	9	2
16	Dallas Cowboys	1-1	+3	14	13	21
17	Oakland Raiders	1-1	-6	21	1	32
18	San Diego Chargers	1-1	+18	7	2	20
19	Detroit Lions	1-1	+3	6	3	27
20	Tampa Bay Bucs	1-1	-26	30	24	22
21	Atlanta Falcons	1-1	0	16	4	30
22	Tennessee Titans	1-1	-8	18	17	12
23	New Orleans Saints	0-2	-4	19	6	23
24	SF 49ers	1-1	+9	10	23	5
25	LA Rams	1-1	-22	28	32	9
26	Jacksonville Jaguars	0-2	-8	31	28	28
27	Indianapolis Colts	0-2	-18	22	10	31
28	Miami Dolphins	0-2	-9	27	22	18
29	Buffalo Bills	0-2	-12	26	19	25
30	Washington	0-2	-26	24	18	24
31	Chicago Bears	0-2	-24	29	31	16
32	Cleveland Browns	0-2	-24	32	29	19